hypocritical

As I am listening to their conversation on Skype, I am in my own little world scrolling through Tumblr posts, frantically reblogging those that apply to me. It is then that I find myself tearing up because of the words imprinted on the posts. Oh how depressing and dark and yet so relevant to my life. That moment - those moments, where I just wanted them to realise. Those intentional sucking of the nose, those intentional heavy breathing - hoping that maybe someone would notice something. Maybe I'm just an attention seeking whore. I don't know, maybe as much as I want to hide these feelings, deep inside, I just want someone to realise...

My tired eyes...my silence...my awkward smiles and laughs...I just want someone to notice. I don't even remember the reason of this, all I remember was feeling awful, pathetic, aching pain within me. I don't remember the cause of all of this, but just recalling that pain makes me ache once again. What if someone does ask me? I can't reply with anything because even I don't know the reason for all this. That's the problem. I think I'm starting to lose myself. I don't know the reason for anything these days. I'm so lost and directionless. Struggling by myself to find the path to the exit, I'm losing all the energy and willpower to do so. Maybe I should just leave myself...forever lost in this meandering maze of emotions and problems that I don't even know the reason for their existence.

What is wrong with my mind? Everything...nothing...