abnormal

I usually would not cry over something like this. But today...I did.

At that moment when Tommi grabbed me out saying that no matter how hard I tried asking, I will not get an answer because no on would want to tell someone like me anything. A social reject was the phrase. I usually wouldn't get affected by any of this because I don't really care (well, that's what I tell myself). But today I did. I started crying. Right at that spot, a sudden outburst of emotions happened and the tears just fell down - unstoppable.

It finally hit me that...I am never the first to know anything. No one tells me anything - is it because they don't trust me? Or is it because I'm not worthy enough? I try to keep these in the back of my mind...but today, it just all came out in the form of tears. I feel so unhappy. I feel so depressed. WHY!? Why am I getting treated like this? I don't want to get treated like this. I don't want to feel like nothing. I want to be something. I want to be valued and cared about. But why? Why is no one willing to. But the thing that hurts the most is...why do they deny it? Why is it that each time they blame it on kpop. Do you know why I am so obsessed with kpop? Do they have any idea?

Do you think I would be obsessed with kpop if they cared about me? Do you think I would have to drown myself in this online world if reality wasn't so harsh to me? They segregate us. Then they continuously say that it is because we always talk about kpop, when it was them to did this. Sad to say, but I think I only have kpop. Something that can numb the pain for a while. But now....maybe blogging and crying to myself is the only way I have release these emotions. Not all can come out...but some. I mean, in order for more emotions to be hidden, I must release some to make room right?

I find it really funny though. Why does everyone seem to get depressed on fridays after dance. Pretty funny huh?

[1/07/11 9:40:05 PM] Darren: Connie i put Eugenia above everything else >.<

I wish someone would say the same for me....I wish...