phone call

I just had a phone conversation with Annie. She usually calls me late in the night because of boredom. That's nice, call me when you're bored. Hehehe, joking, I'm happy that she calls me. I guess, she is one of a few...actually, she is the only person I can really feel comfortable talking with. She told me that Eugenia tells Shanje certain things that she wouldn't usually tell other people.

I guess it did hurt. Maybe it hurt a lot. I used to feel ... like I was worth something, like someone needed me, like I was the person that knew her the most. She made me feel special, like...I was able to share secrets with someone like a normal person would. Hehehe, not anymore. I guess I shouldn't be like this. But it feels like, she just took back that little value that she gave me. Now I'm worthless and isolated once again. We used to go everywhere with each other. Now, she goes out without me and I go out without her. I used to be the only person in her inner circle. Now its Sushi and Shanje and I feel like I've been pushed onto the second circle. I guess, like I say, closeness isn't really measured by these things but, it hurts. It hurts to realise that I'm not worth that much to her anymore and I can't do anything about it.

Sushi is her boyfriend and should be the person who understands her most. And Shanje is the one who has the most ties with her. Me? I used to be feel so proud to be her friend...now...nothing. Knowing that she chose to allow these people to enter this area and knowing that she chose to allow them to push me away hurts...it kills.

Yes I know that I have all these amazing friends that are really nice to me, but looking at them, I can't help but feel ... lonely and out of place. Everyone has some sort of tie between them that makes them so close. Yeah, I had one and I felt like I belonged. But she took that tie away, and I'm left here standing by myself.

I guess one phone call was enough to make me finally realise where I really stand.