the end

I guess this is it. 2 years. 55 posts. All the heartache, all the hidden tears, all the feared emotions, all the unsaid words. So many times during this period where I've dreamt of the moment of breakdown, the time where I could just release everything out and people can see how strong I've been. But I didn't. And I guess I'm glad I didn't. High school, I'll probably miss it, both the good and the bad. I think I'm very thankful for what high school has taught me. I still haven't fully recovered from the injuries they have given me, I've tried to move on and I'm still trying and hopefully one day I can.

But tomorrow I'd be leaving for overseas. The trip that has been keeping me going this entire period of time. I just hope that I'd come back all healed, refreshed and set to go on with the rest of my life. Maybe one day when I come back and read all these posts, I'll laugh again at my emotional vulnerability and stupidity and my tendency to overdramatise everything. But I just want to remind the future me that those feelings, those words were all genuine. They were exactly how I felt at that particularly point in time and are so fragile and delicate. And I guess it's all those happenings that has brought me to where I am today. I'm not saying my life is the best at the moment, but it's enough. I'm not happy, nor am I sad. I smile but sometimes, maybe those feelings seep up again. Just once in a while.

Here's to all the weaknesses, all the tears wept late at night, all the strength to push everything back in, all the courage to not break down, all the willpower to get through everything. To all those that I have been hurt by, to all those that I have hurt. To the past, the past that is all a haze right now but still hugs at my heart each time my mind ventures back. It's kind of anticlimatic isn't it? Everything so intense and emotional has calmed down to this. But I guess this is the perfect ending to somebody like me. So here's to everything that nobody will never know of, everything that I will bury deep inside me, everything that only I will know of. Goodbye.